Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
