I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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