You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
