Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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