And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize