i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
