weddingsv make me drug and hornr
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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