she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
