Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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