Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
