Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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