I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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