We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
