My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
