i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
