Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
