3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize