I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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