if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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