On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
