Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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