have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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