My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize