My nipple is on Facebook.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
