I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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