dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
there was a trapeze. enough said
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
