I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
