Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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