You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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