i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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