Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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