You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
