My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
