okay pat passed out under dana's car
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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