1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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