i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
