dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
