i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
