so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
