Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You took a bar mat shot.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
