Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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