happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The feeling are messing with the penis
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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