In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize