A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
