I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
