Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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