I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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