Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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