Cold hands, warm shart.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
