I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Vodka?
Forever.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize