last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
