My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
