omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
