My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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