Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Randomize
