About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
