I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize