so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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