man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I could fuck to npr.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
