there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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