Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize