Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
