I puked a lego.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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