You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
