i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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