We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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