I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize