So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She needs sedatives and a leash
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
