this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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