All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize