Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
