we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
