once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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