apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
