She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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