dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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