P.S. I can't hear my feet
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
