i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
