I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
