I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Are we still banned from the library?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
