i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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