I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
