I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
