Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
