So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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