her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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