can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Quick, to the slutcave!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize