dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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