I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
