Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
