FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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