We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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