____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
