Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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