Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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