Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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