It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Help. Why am I so naked?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
