He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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