we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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