at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
