You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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