i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
