THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
