New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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