I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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