question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
