I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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