Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
