Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
