I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
